Writing this post from good ole Whitby, Ontario (aka the last place I want to be). I’ve been home for about 2 weeks now and my 5.5 months living in Italy and then traveling to a bunch of places around Europe were amazing and as cliché as it may sound… life changing. Even if others may not be able to see it, I know I have changed in so many ways as a result of my time spent abroad. It all feels like one big blur now but I will cherish the memories that I made forever.

Adjusting to “real life” after traveling and living in Italy has not been easy to say the least. While it was necessary that I return to Canada for a while (due to literally having no money left), I wish I was still abroad. Nothing compares to the kind of excitement and joy that I felt exploring new places and meeting new people from all over the world. It’s the kind of feeling that I cannot get living at home in Canada. I think this is the feeling that every travel obsessed person chases and I am so fortunate to have experienced it at such a young age. However, it is both a blessing and a curse. Travel makes me feel alive. Like I am living my life to the absolute fullest. However, the downside/curse to this is that now that I’m back home in Canada, I feel unfulfilled, lost and confused.

What’s Next?

I think the biggest thing that I’ve struggled with so far is the constant questions from people asking me “what’s next?”, “what do you want to do with your degree?”, “are you going to law school still?”, “when are you gonna get a REAL job?”, etc. My life for the past 5.5 months revolved around traveling and seeing as much of Italy as I possibly could. I was constantly living in the moment, taking in all of the beauty of the places I visited. I didn’t have time nor did I want to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. I think that is such a huge problem with today, recent grads are pressured to find a “real job” (even if it’s not actually in their desired field – because in this economy, you take whatever you can get) and in the process they lose sight of what they are actually passionate about. I don’t want to do something with my life that leaves me feeling unfulfilled or unhappy. And quite frankly the idea of working a 9-5 full-time office job does not appeal to me at all. I’m not sure if I could ever get into that kind of lifestyle. Anyways, I’m kind of getting off track now! My point is, that I have no idea what I want to do “next” or “with my life”. However, I know what I am passionate about and what makes my heart happy, so that is enough for me for the time being. I have lots of time to figure out a “job” that pays the bills but also makes me happy.

“Home” Doesn’t Feel like “Home”

This is definitely one of the strangest feelings about being back home in Whitby – the town that I grew up in but haven’t actually permanently lived in for over four years. It does not feel like home anymore. I feel like an outsider. Stuck in a place where I have little desire to actually live. Of course, I have loved seeing my family, but it feels more like a visit rather than a permanent home. However, technically it is just a visit since I already have a flight booked to Rome for January to stay there for 3 months. Overall, nothing in my life feels constant anymore. I am no longer a University student nor have a full-time job and it is scary and maybe that’s why Whitby no longer feels like home to me. Also, I think the fact that I know I am leaving again in January for at least 3 months is making me hold back. Hold back on getting comfortable and making a home for myself – I guess I’m just not ready for that “stage” of my life. I want to do things on my terms, not others & doing so involves not getting attached to people and places.

The Same but Different

Coming back to Canada I had this strange sense of familiarity (which makes sense considering I’m back where I grew up) and everything feels the same but also completely different. I’ve realized that even though I was away for almost 6 months, everybody’s lives went on without me. Things and people changed, moved on and grew. Of course I have changed and grown so much as a person but I guess I didn’t realize how much this would effect how I felt once I came back to Whitby. I’ve always been independent, I genuinely enjoy my own company and doing things on my own. It gives me a sense of purpose and strength. However, once I saw all of my friends once, it feels as if the “buzz” of me being back in Canada wore off and they just went on with their lives as if I were still gone. I often feel forgotten, irrelevant and bored. Because of this, I feel disconnected from a place that I used to call home and find comfort in. However, I think this feeling definitely has something to do with my family dog passing away. I missed out on the last 6 months of his life and that hurt.

I also feel as if I don’t necessarily connect with my friends in the ways that I used to. My passions and interests differ from theirs. It was so much easier to connect with fellow travellers that I met, especially those travelling for a long period of time, because they just naturally understand everything that I’m feeling. With my friends at home, I don’t want to be that person that is constantly boasting/talking about their travels. I don’t want it to seem like I’m “bragging”, because I do know how privileged I am to have had the opportunity to live abroad as long as I did. However, I literally do not know what else to talk about sometimes because that was the focus of my life for so long. Don’t get me wrong, I value my friendships at home and love them all very much, but it just feels different now. They’ve moved on, have boyfriends and well paying full-time jobs. I’m still struggling with money, what I want to do & have no desire to have a boyfriend right now. I feel as if we are in different stages of our lives & maybe this is why I find myself having to make more of an effort than I did in the past.

Kicking the Post-Travel Blues

I was super lucky to find a job pretty much right away (literally my first full day back in Whitby) and another one about a week later. Keeping myself busy has definitely helped with making myself feel better with where I am currently at. Whether it is through working, going to the gym or visiting with family or friends. I find myself bored when I am not constantly doing something or getting ready to do something. Maybe that is because I was constantly on the go for my last 1.5 months in Europe. I’m used to being busy and I’ve realized that I actually enjoy it. In addition, I’ve gotten quite good at organizing my time, especially after having 2 jobs in my last full-time course load semester of University.

So… yes, routine definitely helps with fighting the post-travel blues. As much as I despise routine haha, in this case it is beneficial. It is nice for right now to have some normalcy but I have a feeling I’m going to get pretty bored of it soon…

BOOK ANOTHER TRIP! As I previously said, I already booked my flight back to Italy in January and this definitely helps, knowing that I have something to look forward to. Having something to look forward to always makes me feel better and excited for the future. However, that is not to say that I am wishing away this time that I have at home. I want to cherish this time, with my very little actual adult responsibilities and commitments because who knows if I’ll ever have this kind of lifestyle again.

I literally have no idea what I’m doing with this blog, I really need to pick it up for my whole 15 subscribes (WHOA!). I’ve been feeling all sorts of feelings since I’ve been back in Canada so I just wanted to get it all out in one blog post & now maybe I’ll actually start doing blogs on the places that I went to on my time abroad…

Ciao for now,

wanderlust morg xx