Ciao! It has been a while… life in Italy has been absolutely crazy, just about nothing has went as planned so far, I’ve had so many highs but also an abundance of extreme lows, but in between all of the craziness I think that I have actually grown from so many of my experiences as an au pair so far!

I thought I would write a post on au pairing because when I tell people that I am an au pair, most people have no idea what I’m talking about. Au pairing is basically nannying but I have come to learn that it is so much more than that.

Au pairing is one of the most challenging things I have ever done, and considering I just finished 4 years at University, this says a lot. The ironic and actually kind of funny part is that, if I’m being honest with myself (and many people know this about me too), I am not a huge fan of kids. I enjoy being around kids in my family but honestly I never babysat growing up and have very little desire to have children of my own. This sounds super crazy but to be honest, I haven’t really thought about it until now. I think I thought that the older age of my first host families kids would help with this, but boy was I ever wrong. This was for sure one of the most challenging aspects of my first host family in Verona, I found it super difficult to connect with a 14 and 17 year old. Even though I’m only 22 and I remember what it was like being their age, I really struggled with connecting and appealing to them. Anyways, I will explain more below as to why I decided to switch host families a lot earlier than I originally anticipated.

Why I Left My First Host Family

Looking back when I first arrived to Italy in May, I feel like I am literally looking at a different person. I was so naive and oblivious to the challenges that would be ahead of me. However, the reasons I left are not all that crazy or shocking. I think that I should have simply never been with this family in the first place. I think this largely happened out of lack of experience with au pairing, I only interviewed (via Skype) with this one family and made the decision to be their au pair right away – I didn’t explore any other options. I was oblivious to the fact that the age of the kids may come with challenges. I was oblivious to how living outside of the city centre can be difficult and challenging for traveling to places on free time. Overall, to be honest, I was just so oblivious and blinded by my excitement about the opportunity to live in Italy. I was blind to the challenges and realities that would come along with living with a random family in a different country.

Overall, I left because of a combination of things. Families usually get au pairs for childcare and to improve their children’s English. Therefore, with the age of the girls, I often found myself feeling useless and laying around and doing nothing. Stuck in a house in a small town with nothing to do but watch Netflix and feel awkward and uncomfortable in a home. I did not connect with the girls, one was really shy which made it even more difficult. I made an effort, I really did, but it felt useless and after 3 months, I just wasn’t happy anymore. There is other reasons, but I honestly do not want to get hung up on the negativity of my situation in Verona because the positives definitely outweigh the negatives. I met two lifelong friends, travelled all over Northern Italy (to be precise: Venice, Vicenza, Milan, Lake Garda, many towns in Valpolicella, Bologna, Trieste, Bolzano, Pordenone, Lake Barcis and Florence) and made so many memories that will truly last a lifetime.

However, my happiness is important to me and I deserve to be somewhere where I feel wanted, appreciated and valued. I did not feel that with this family and therefore, I decided to be proactive for my own happiness and find another family for the rest of my time in Italy. It is my time off after undergrad and I want to experience it in the best way possible!

I was originally not going to find another family until the beginning of October, because I am travelling for majority of September with my parents and a couple friends. BUT, everything happens for a reason and I found a family in Olbia, Sardegna that was looking for a last minute au pair for the month of August. After many awkward and hard conversations with my Verona host family, I left and set out to find myself again in Sardegna, as cliche as that sounds.

Au Pairing in Sardegna

The host family that I stayed with for the month of August was very welcoming, sweet and kind. The location certainly helped as well, they lived in a beautiful house in a town about 10km outside of Olbia, called Porto Istana. The house was up on a hill and had an amazing view of the sea and then a massive pool behind the house. In addition to this, I had my own little studio apartment (which was adorable – I wish it was actually mine) and it was great to have my own space to relax on my down time.

Overall, this experience was completely different, the kids were 4 and 7 so I often found myself absolutely drained from spending so much time with them. I did not get all that much time off & I felt like I was constantly with the kids. It was hard to tell when I was “on” versus when I was “off”, which is one of the weird things about au pairing since majority of au pairs live with their host families. I knew kids were a lot of work, but damn, I honestly don’t know how parents do it sometimes. However, once again, I want to focus on the positives rather than the negatives, and I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to live in Sardegna with a beautiful family. What happens after I leave Sardegna, is crazy & rash but I think I am finally in a good place now that I have done what I REALLY want.

I’m Done Au Pairing✌🏼

So… yep, you read it right, I am done au pairing… for good. I decided (very last minute, through a lot of tears and indecisiveness) that I wasn’t going to go to another host family. I think this decision stemmed from how drained I felt after my time in Sardegna & I realized that looking after kids is just not for me. Like I said before, au pairing is one of the most challenging things that I have ever done. I challenged myself and forced myself out of my comfort zone for 4 months. 4 months which ultimately forced me to become a much stronger, braver and independent woman. I have learned so much about myself throughout my time au pairing and I have no regrets at all (besides maybe how I handled quitting). However, I’ve also realized through this experience how much I cherish my loving and supportive parents. They are the ones that have been there for me and pushed me to continue when all I felt like doing was quitting. However, after 4 months of au pairing, I just felt extremely done with it and wanted to move on with my life.

I am still passionate about traveling and exploring new places, but this experience has really opened my eyes to many realities. Being away from Canada for 4 months now has made me miss and appreciate the little things. Most importantly, being close to family and friends. I’ve realized that home truly is where the heart is and my heart lies with my family and friends. This isn’t to say that I wouldn’t/couldn’t live anywhere in the world and feel at home, I honestly think I could, if I had somebody else to share my life with… if that even makes sense. Overall, I’ve known that I’ve always enjoyed being independent & with au pairing, it felt like I had very little independence. I felt tied down, emotionally drained and unhappy. I think I saw au pairing as a means to an end. I decided to au pair, despite my lack of desire to care for children, because it enabled me to live in Italy and travel around when I had free time. This worked for a while, but eventually I just hit a point where it didn’t feel worth it anymore. I am so grateful for all the opportunities of travel that au pairing gave me & I will definitely never forget this whole crazy experience, that is for sure! I’ve grown more than I ever thought was possible & when I return home (still don’t know when exactly this will be), it will be with a full heart and no regrets.

What’s Next?

Well… I honestly do not know to be honest. However, for once (I usually like everything to be planned), I am ok with this. I feel much more comfortable with uncertainty now then before this journey. I am excited and hopeful for what is to come.

I am writing this post from an Air BnB in Civitavecchia (still don’t know how to pronounce it🤦🏻‍♀️) where I am staying for the next week. It is the town where I came to on the ferry from Sardegna. My parents arrive to Rome on Sept 12th and then we will travel around Italy until the 26th. Then, on the 26th I am meeting up with two of my best friends from home in Prague! I will travel with them until Oct 6th and then after that is the unknown. There is still so much of Europe that I want to explore, however, it is not realistic that I’m going to be able to go everywhere on this trip. My bank account just keeps getting lower and lower and basically this is going to be the determining factor of when I have to return back home to Canada.

So here’s to making the most of the time that I have left in beautiful Italy (and elsewhere in Europe)!💛

P.S. I will be doing more blog posts on all of the places that I’ve visited. I’ve been trying to “live in the moment”, so I will likely make weekly posts on my travels once I am home in Canada.

Wanderlust morg xx